Great Lakes Strikes Again

On the stumbling heels of Christmas Ale comes the next slobber-inducing sensation at Great Lakes Brewing Company, Tempus Fugit. According to the resident experts (whom I assume are Luke and his minions),


"a complex strong/old ale brewed with honey and five different malts that features a medium hop presence."

What does this mean to you and me? Don't drink more than two if you plan on driving anywhere or three if you're planning on a run for public office. Perhaps the brewers had this in mind when they named the beast, as the ever reliable Wikipedia notes that -

"The meaning is sometimes used less colloquially as: "Meanwhile, the irreplaceable time escapes," expressing concern that one's limited time is being consumed by something which may have little intrinsic substance or importance at that moment." (emphasis mine)

Thanks, guys. Now not only are you brewing unique, excellent, award-winning beers that will knock us off our respective bar stools, you're rubbing our Latin-illiterate faces in it. Cool, real cool...

No word on the label, though if I had my say it would show a picture of my freshman dorm room. It will be available (in the brewpub only) on January 2nd, leaving just enough time between New Year's Eve and then to rehydrate.

Hope Springs Eternal, but Failure Sure is Frustrating Every Year.

Something strange is happening in Cleveland. I don't mean the scandals in seemingly every level (and every office) in government, because sadly that's what passes for normal. Nor am I referring to the weather, though up until yesterday my back yard hadn't seen more than a light coating of snow. No, I'm talking about our beloved Browns, and their (GASP) winning streak. Three blissful weeks in a row; bloodlust of diehards sated... for now.

I won't deny that matchups against the Chiefs and Raiders weren't clashes of titans (in the ancient, not Nashville sense), but as the saying goes, 'a win is a win'. Before falling into an avalanche of cliches (e.g. 'playing good football', 'team effort', 'any given Sunday', yadda yadda yadda), I'll move along.

Where will our hearty Brownie brethren be 12 months from now? Will Mike Holmgren miracle-work the organization into prime-time players? Will the Mang- (-enius or -ina, depending on your view) still be giving emotionless monotone press conferences in Berea? Will any of our eleven, yes eleven, draft picks be immediate impact players a la Adrian Peterson? Will any of this translate into a competitive and dare I say it, playoff contention level season?

Or will it be more of the same - more rebuilding, more controversy, more disappointment? Being a pessimistically inclined optimist (move to Cleveland, you'll get it), I look at the Bengals clinching the Division this year as evidence that crazier things have happened, and if anybody has a shot, why not us? Lawrence Vickers, David Bowens, Matt Roth and Josh Cribbs have bolstered my spirits, and though I'm still not sold on either of our (allegedly) incredibly talented quarterbacks, they seem to have shown improvement over early in the year. Our receiving corps are growing into their own shoes, with Mohamed Massoquoi showing flashes of something between competence and brilliance, and have I mentioned Evan Moore? I mean, who is this guy and how did he become Joe Jurevicious reincarnated... in three weeks? And don't even get me started on Jerome Harrison; it's like when a baby first learns to walk: at first tentative, wobbly steps, then BAM, it's off to the races.

Anyway, before I tangentially wander into boring (or fascinating) minutiae, I'll get to the point. Either way, a year from now we'll all still be heating up leftover turkey sandwiches, recovering from holiday party hangovers and scraping the ice from our windshields in the mornings. The real question is, will we be lit up inside thinking about the possibility of contending, of actually holding a Browns Party with friends and family, of the absolute best thing to get us through the frigid gray of January, WINS? I may be caught up in post-victory euphoria, and granted my undying support for the team probably precludes me from any impartial analysis, but why not?

God willing, I'll be around in 12 months, and God willing, so will our shot at the postseason. As they say, 'on any given Sunday'...

Bridging the Gap, Literally and Figuratively

The ongoing hullabaloo regarding the replacement/renovation of the Inner Belt Bridge coming into downtown Cleveland has led to discussion of the potential of including a pedestrian walkway in the design. Far be it from me to suppose scholarly knowledge of the issue, but why wouldn't they include a pedestrian walkway? With the 'death of downtown' issue haunting nearly every conversation, why would planners and ODOT neglect a simple, modern, and aesthetically beautiful way to encourage people to come into the city?

Having lived in Tremont, I can vouch for the value of having pedestrian access. I used to run down through the industrial flats, across the river, and back up Central Viaduct to get downtown, not the most pedestrian friendly (but only reasonable) route. The run back was a pleasure, across the Hope Memorial (Lorain Carnegie) Bridge, with the majestic views of downtown and the 'Titans of Industry' towering overhead. I always felt a genuine sense of pride in my city as I made my way to Ohio City.

Other, more progressive (i.e. younger, more inventive, less curmudgeonly) areas like Washington D.C. have produced beautiful and efficient examples of bridges that accommodate traffic other than those in vehicles. So what's the holdup? Skeptics argue about cost ($20 million to incorporate into current design is estimated), safety, and necessity, foremost. I would respond (long story short style) by saying, that $20 million is pocket change in terms of the cost of the project, not to mention the benefit that it will create economically upon completion (increased accessibility, dare I suggest TOURIST opportunities?!?). With regards to safety, a glance at the proposal should dispel that argument (see below).



And finally, necessity: as was so elegantly pronounced by GreenCityBlueLake;

"Overall, 25% of Cleveland households do not own a car (46,841 households, 114,292 individuals)

• 30% of Tremont households do not own a car (962 households, 2347 individuals)
• 65% of Central households do not own a car (2934 households, 7159 individuals)
• 42% of Downtown households do not own a car (1126 households, 2747 individuals)"

Think some of these people might appreciate an alternate route in and out of town?

I won't even get into the more detailed arguments for and against, as they have already been addressed both here and here. I'll close with my personal feeling on the subject;

Dear ODOT, Cleveland, Other Decision Makers, As a resident, I've seen various organizations screw up and screw us over and over again. The Ameritrust Tower, Convention Center, Medical Mart, etc. have all served to further weaken the bank accounts of your devoted citizenry, and I for one have had about as much as I can stand. You wonder why people are fleeing the place in droves? Look at yourself and LISTEN TO YOUR CONSTITUENTS!

It's That Most Wonderful Time of the Year! (Festivus, I Mean...)

For those revelers of my generation, the one above, and perhaps the one below, it's that most wonderful time of the year: Festivus. A holiday, as Frank Costanza so Seuss-ifly put it, "for the rest of us". So as we break out the beloved Pole from the crawl space, and dutifully list all those who have wronged us in the past year ("I've got a lotta problems with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it!"), it would only be appropriate to list all the beers that will be on next year's Winking Lizard Beer Tour.

Wait... that didn't make sense; what does one have to do with the other? Well, let me count the ways...

1. The Lizard List has not yet been released to the general public (or at least not most of it). Thus, this is known as a "Festivus miracle!" (see Kramer, Cosmo).

2. Though they do not consume beer, per se, in the famed Seinfeld episode (and if you still don't know what I'm talking about, just give up now), they do make bagels, and a central part of the episode involves yeast, a central ingredient in beer.

3. I like Festivus, beer, The Winking Lizard, and it's my blog. So there.

Anyway, here's the list you jackals, sorry it's barely legible...